Many moons ago I read Byron Katie's work 'Loving What Is' and once again, it sounded easy at first, like a lot of self help books do, but in daily application it has proven harder at times than I could imagine because there are times when I do not Love What Is and want to see it changed.
Changing the exterior situation, though, in certain instances is impossible due to the situation being bigger and more powerful than me so I am left with only two options. Loving it or resisting it.
Thus it is that I have come upon my three year anniversary at my job, and in the case of loving What Is or resisting What Is in this situation, I would state that the latter still applies, to varying degree.
However, if I look at the evolution of myself as I have progressed through this gig, I have seen changes in me where I have become much more tolerant of other's behavior, much more patient, kind, and accepting of simply What Is. I can't deny that What Is happening is happening, which a lot of people do, I have seen them temporarily check out of the situation they're in with me and go into never-never land for awhile, which is absolutely fascinating to watch. Talk about being in denial! Pretending that something that is happening isn't happening might get you through uncomfortable situations, for a time, but eventually you will have to face issues directly, as I have been placed in the position to do, and through actually doing I have learned. I have learned to be present with What Is and through continuously having to be present, my resistance towards What Is occurring has grown to be less and less. Some would say that that is the result of capitulation but I have never capitulated. I have simply learned how to work within the context of What Is in a way that chafes me less, which is a roundabout way of saying that I have learned to 'love' What Is, but I'm not completely there yet (and I know it).
There's light at the end of the tunnel!
Kiwihug- Unsplash.com
I also know that I will eventually take what I have learned doing this job into other arenas and apply the knowledge gained there. By now it's so ingrained in me, so natural and instinctual that I act in less resistant ways without pause, which is not the way I approached my work situation three years ago.
One could say that I was forced to love What Is, and that would be true, but who forced who? Did The World checkmate me into servitude or did I bring it upon myself, my soul ushering in this lesson to further its development? The 'soul development' theory kind of 'splains it in satisfactory way, but I can't be certain.
What I am clear about is that my job, the position, is going to be phased out in less than a year and I will be on to something else. That's a definite.
Sure, I could have chosen an easy life, I think that was always an option, but would I have grown so much internally? Many times I have chosen the more difficult road, experienced being the lesser advantaged one. In this way I have packed multiple lifetimes into this lifetime, I think, which will serve me in good stead in future endeavors.
It appears that my tolerance level for deprivation is wearing thin, though. I am opting for more abundance because I have been needing a breather from all this intensity. Perhaps The Universe will position me in the lap of luxury for awhile so I can learn to love What Is in that environment?
After all, I have to learn to receive largesse....
...because balance in all things makes for a well-rounded individual!