Got wrapped up in the 'out there' for awhile, got wrapped up in story, got wrapped up in illusory small self.
My bad.
I know better than to do that because I AM A NOBODY.
How many times do I have to remember this? As many times as I forget because being a nobody is the truth and being a somebody is the false and that never varies. I may, but the truth never does.
If I turn away from The World, and all the unconscious people in it, I can within five minutes or less recover that which I lost, which never went anywhere, though I did.
Accessing awareness is so simple that it is not valued. Value in our culture comes from struggle in most cases, and the prize, upon being gained, brings with it a degree of satisfaction commensurate with the lack of it being experienced by everybody else. This is ingrained in us as a culture. I have, you do not, thus I must be happier.
But over and over, upon playing the game, I have realized victory- which satisfied me for a time, yes, that is true, and maybe there was even a long term smug satisfaction, an afterglow- but eventually even that faded and I found I was just like everybody else again, even those schmucks I thought I had distanced myself forever from. Everybody has experienced this thrill/letdown cycle. Outwardly you might have initials next to your name, be honored or accomplished in some manner, but inwardly you know that lack still exists within that awful corner of your mind where inadequacy thoughts dwell, and others like them.
So putting on a brave face you present a mask to the world. There is an appearance of a you, but there's really nobody there because I know, I've looked into that concept, that idea we call 'the self'. I've diligently looked for a 'me' and haven't found it, and neither have any of the other researchers who have spanned the length of human existence. Look 'em up. Read about them. They knew.
Right now it may appear that we are a conscious, evolved, and progressive race. Everybody knows that life is temporary and that no matter what they do, it is in vain. This is being presently demonstrated for all of us by the preponderance of tattooed people you see these days, who are illustrating the point that the body is only with us for a time and it's no big deal to go ahead and decorate it.
I be stylin'
Jayson Hinrichsen- Unsplash.com
They may be doing this consciously, or unconsciously, but few, if any (to my knowledge) are so conscious that they live selflessly thoughout each and every day like the teachers of non-duality, the teachers of Advaita, who bring it home to anyone who is watching their videos, listening to their words, or reading their books just how near the truth is, which can be defined as 'the experientially demonstrated absence of an individual self'. This is the truth of 'you' right now, as 'you' are reading these words, and this is true always, for there isnt any 'you' present at any time. But, you can pretend to be a you any time you want for as long as you want, and that's all you can do. Pretend! But eventually, suffering will bring to you a quest. You will want peace of mind. Relief from anxiety. When that happens, you don't have to read a ponderous tome, or make a pilgrimage to India.
Simply by closing your eyes and concentrating for a while, trying to find out where the 'I' you assume is there exists, will make it very clear that 'I' cannot be precisely located in the body. It might feel like this 'I' is in the heart region, or in the head, but can you clarify the location of 'I' any further? No. Proceed with your inquiry.
Does this 'I' have a shape or form? Does it have boundaries? Does it get happy, sad, angry, depressed? Does it fade? Does it sleep?
On and on you can ask questions like these and never be able to pin the 'I' down, because it's everywhere and ever-on. And so are 'you'.
It's really that simple. Don't make it complicated. If you do, you'll spin out on some tangent and be lost there for hours, days, months, years, a lifetime.
And you don't need to know the "Why?" of it.
Just try and stay mindful of the fact that you are awareness itself. It's sooooo easy to forget this (I know!). The World can be very distracting and seem entirely convincing. You be the judge. You have to. There's really nobody that can save you except yourself.