Redacted

And so it came to pass that I redacted, well, my team did, that which was contracted and whom it impacted so I was able to gain traction with my retractions.

Without cause I related effect and I suspect interjected some respect for the other side, who held me in contempt but I was content with that. 

There is no insinuation that quite gains the appreciation of all my fans more than tangental reflection, redirection, and apprehension over what has been occurring and at the same time obscuring some glaring objectifications coupled with high aggravations taking place at the far end of the room, in the corner.

Game O’ Thrones couldn’t dream this up.

Michal Parzuchowski- Unsplash.com

Looking there you will see Exhibit A or is it B, a moving target full of cunning and guile hidden by a smile and it would be worth your while to go in that direction and not be subjecting me to such inspection

for though I like the attention I would like to raise an objection to these unfair accusations that might lead to realizations of conduct long buried under the rug why you'd think I was bugged by my own department who share my indignation that I should answer calls of resignation. I will do no such thing!

  For you see…

  I am king.

Comfort Zone

'Getting into the comfort zone' with situations used to be the motivation that I had until I realized many of the dreams I had been pursuing, saw the views they offered, and felt the feelings that achieving those goals gave me.

Every time I thought I had feathered my nest completely the satisfaction I felt was only temporary. Instead of permanence, I found I experienced a contentment period of varying length and varying strength before I again was called to move on. Called to move outside of my established comfort zone and into something else. 

This being called to abandon what I had created I did not anticipate, and it was kind of annoying to experience walking away from what I had gained over and over, for I assumed that once I achieved a certain level of satisfaction with my life I would choose to stay there and build on that- which is something that most people do. They do it because it's very hard to leave an established comfort zone, even after it begins to get quite un-comfortable. 

You probably think you know what I mean, about how 'comfort zones' can start to chafe on you. The sofa gets to be a little too cushy. The bed that felt soooo good to crash, plop, or sink into last night now causes you to yearn to be vertical again instead of remaining horizontal. It's that kind of feeling. What was good then ain't so now.

  But let's not confuse a comfort zone with a 'plopped on the couch eating ice cream' feeling or a 'falling into a bed containing freshly washed sheets' feeling. Those are not true comfort zones. True comfort zones are prolonged events and creeping dissatisfaction with them takes extended lengths of time to develop but once that sets in rearranging the furniture in the living room just won't help. Spring cleaning won't alleviate the underlying agitation. Repainting and remodeling might provide a longer term 'cure' but it won't stave off discontent forever. All these patching up efforts, of course, depend on the proclivities of the individual occupying the space, the workplace, and/or life upon which the comfort zone has been established. 

Comfort zones are hard to totally abandon and usually there are many attempts made to salvage them, get them to fit again, but sometimes they just have to be dismantled completely. Storms can do that for you, fires, and floods, and you can easily attribute those events to acts of God, but what if you instigate a change of situation upon yourself because you just can't stand to be in it anymore?

  It takes courage to do a complete makeover because comfort zones for most are deeply intertwined with personal survival. Few will venture outside of the survival situation they have established and deem absolutely necessary for their peace of mind. I know of many who will probably live out the remainder of their lives in endurance situations. Their lives may not be the stellar ones they initially imagined but they'll be safe ones. Nothing wrong with that. There's angst there, oh yeah, but it's manageable. 

Three months of breakfast in bed! How delightful!

Alex Block- Unsplash.com

It just seems ridiculous to me that we choose to place ourselves into these comfortable-yet-not boxes because the amount of stagnation and suffering that is found there outweighs the imagined benefits to the degree that it boggles the mind. But comfort zones also extend beyond the personal and can surround and ensnare us in social webs as well. Neighborhoods, towns, and even major cities can turn into comfort zones. Not a lot happens in them and the people living there simply shrug and say to each other "That's Life!" but it's not, really. So much more can be experienced. 

Creating comfort zones is the goal of nearly all human beings. Scoring the dream job. Manifesting the stellar relationship. Inhabiting the perfect house. Having an enviable circle of friends. Living in the happening city.

We want those things, strive for them, and yearn for them. Then when we actually get them, or get close enough to them to say that where we are is good enough, we got most of what we wanted, we exult "Yay! I'm in my Comfort Zone!". Cause for celebration!

Enjoy each one while they last, friends, 'cuz they'll only provide satisfaction for a while. Eventually they will pale, but perhaps not all at the same time. When each one does, or if they all fade at once, don't cry about losing them! Your soul will task you with creating again. And then again after that. On and on you'll go. It's hard the first time you feel you have to let go of something good for something that might be better, you can never be absolutely sure, but over time and through the gaining of experience you'll look forward to changing things up and just might actually anticipate doing it.

Underemployment Office

     "Underemployment Office. May I help you?"
"Hi, uh.... ....maybe. "I was told to come here to fill out some A1072 forms. I guess I'll also hafta look for a job 'cuz my last one ended"
"Are you one of the guys that was recently laid off at Exco?"
"Yeah"
"Did you work in the foundry?"
"No. I worked in the fabrication department. Sort of like an assembler. I ran a contraption called an 'AutoPress'"
  "I see". She grabbed some papers nearby and pushed 'em over to me. "Here are the required forms you need to fill out to collect unemployment. Can you give me a little insight about the position you held? I'm not quite sure I understand what you did"
"If you're thinking there might be another 'position' in a similar field available, forget about it. What I did was a very unique, specialized, and archaic job, one that is not even worth description. Technology made what I did totally obsolete anyway"
"Ok then.... uh... ...what other skills do you have? Carpentry? Mechanical? You look the tradesman type"
To that inquiry "Oh Gawd, here we go again" I inwardly sighed. "Down the road to nowhere!" 
I hedged a bit, mentally retrieving some dusty files, before I got back to the patiently waiting lifetime civil servant. "You don't understand...... ...let me explain..."

  I tried to give her The Story, you know, about how there has never been a job out there for me. She was only trying to help, as all of them do, but what they can't conceive of is the notion that 'what I do' has never even existed! 

Rumor is, there is job fulfillment out there.

David Siglin- Unsplash.com

Now I know that sounds strange and rather impossible, but it's true, for 'what I do' is not in any career manual and no matter how many corporations exist or have been formed in the entirety of my life there has been no job created, visualized, think-tanked, proposed, or ever briefly spawned that has ever matched what it is I 'do'.
Thus, my fate. Always underemployed.

  Like a stranger in a strange land have I wandered, through the business world, the structured world, the world that says that there are X number of options or slots or positions or avenues. Choose one! Find fulfillment there. 
"No can!" say I. To that. You don't understand me.

  "Balderdash!" and "Harrumph!" (good words) thunder those of The Republican Party, if there is such a thing anymore, dour entities I picture as having the energy, say, of railroad tycoons of the nineteenth century. "Get a job! Fit in!"
"Nay" say I. "I have tried".
"You have not applied yourself!"
We could go round and round with this. You just don't understand. 

Jobs... ...well.... ...they're supposed to come with some kinda juice, right? I know they don't want me (God forbid!) 'lounging around' on the dole but, you know, if you're not on top (definitely lounging around) the offerings of the job market are, to me, uh.... ...how can I say this politely? 'Less than delectable'?

Whatever. Choose a word! Many descriptors fit. I don't know why but for some reason or another my expeditions in the world have been through numerous unfulfilling shadowlands, only 'cuz the job that fits for me has never showed up. It's like I landed on the wrong planet or something or was born in the wrong time and have been waiting, waiting, waiting. 

All I can tell you is I'll know it when I see it. So thanks for the guidance, Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Entreprenuer, Money, and all those other magazines. Thanks for the glimpses of what could be, SportsCenter. Thanks (I guess) to Monster.com, Indeed, Glassdoor, Career Builder, Craigslist, and the Classified Ads. Though all your input hasn't helped solve the issue it has whiled away the hours, like watching TV does. 

Oh, should it be that the great and glorious day finally comes for me, as I imagine it has come for others. "I shall be a dentist!" exclaimed one in a moment of realization, a moment that also delivered extraordinary happiness. "An airline pilot!", gushed another, during his "Aha!" moment. "A professional golfer!" fist-pumped another still. At a portentous moment in time each citizen saw possibility (and passion) for them in what was being offered, honed in on it, and eventually realized their dream. 

Least they had one, which is something the underemployed don't. But I feel I'm not alone in my underemployment angst. From talking to people I sense that there are many, many others who carry this burden. However, don't pity us. We don't want that! Nicht, nay, und nein! Keep sending offers our way is all we ask, and pul-eeze don't worry about us. You'll know when we've found 'it' because we'll never stop telling you about it!

It's something we really look forward to 'cuz man, we've been listening to your stories for years.

The Symbology Of The Prevailing Culture

Sounds heavy, eh? Let's make it not. Wanna keep this light here. As a person with artistic leanings, not quite an 'artist' (I haven't labeled myself as such) I have been on the lookout for the next picture. I thought it would be a portrait.

Yeah. A portrait of a striking face, a startling face. Maybe the face of a celebrity, but that would be soooo done already and indeed, in doing searches online, I saw that such was true. There are untold numbers of artists who have drawn, painted, or even sculpted the likenesses of celebrities the way musicians endlessly cover popular songs. 

So I couldn't go there. Perhaps online or even in the neighborhood there were art worthy subjects but..... .....celebrities usually aren't physically flawed like normal people are and the people I saw online or on the street were mainly (no offense, nothing personal) not worth the effort. 

What I did see, though, was that I was actually searching for the representation of a quality (or qualities) of energy. Name a few examples? How about confidence? Bearing? Attitude? Sadness? Weariness? Wisdom? On and on that list could go. 

Then, through doing that, I saw that people's faces held, and their bodies housed, only temporary representations of something that can’t be seen. I was searching for something to draw that can't ever be drawn. It can only be alluded to. 

Superman of centuries ago?

Andreas Nextvoyagepl- Unsplash.com

This was sobering. Energy refuses to be captured and any picture that we see is just some artist's interpretation of energy that he or she has offered up to the masses to consume. (Writing is the same way, it is the assemblage of words that point to things beyond words).

This is why there are no pictures of God and never will be. The formless can take a form pleasing to the eye or something that scares the pants off of you because the formless can shape itself into all forms. It's only our interpretation of what we see that makes the difference because to some thing, some being, that has no form what difference does taking on one form or another make? To them it's only another costume, another set of clothes. 

Associations I've made with people I have known who have passed on, whose forms no longer exist, cause me to almost automatically link the energetic qualities they had to present time people possessing similar physical traits. Anybody having something close to old Uncle Harry's big bushy eyebrows, thick black hair, and big fleshy hands suggests to me that they are gluttonous and rather fun, while people having Aunt Edna's wide mouth, hawkish nose, and rather narrow face give me an almost kneejerk reaction that they should be avoided if possible as they possess a haughty sense of refinement- and could employ cutting disdain. You know how it goes. It's hard to get the pictures of them, and the energies they represented to you, out of your mind. 

Ditto famous people. Marilyn Monroe (voluptuousness, sexuality) has never changed in my view, Abe Lincoln (morality, virtue) always looks the same way to me, and Winston Churchill (indignation, resolve) scowls forever in my consciousness. 

Taking this line of thought further, what about pictures (other than actual photographs) of 'spiritual people'? The saint, shaman, healer, earth mother, religious warrior, world savior? There are webpages galore of them to peruse. Many of them are beautifully drawn but none of them are real. Or you could just skip all that and hurry over to the DC comics universe, an even better example of what I'm talking about. Superman! The very picture of pure selfless nobility. Wonder Woman! Physical representation of amazon warrior protector energy. Batman! Clever, witty guardian angel of Everyman, and his nemeses The Joker, The Riddler, Mr. Freeze, The Penguin, etc., evil minded criminal elements able to be tripped up due to the blind spots contained in their wacky schemes.  All representations of that which we cannot see. 

It's getting so bad that no matter what I'm looking at I'm seeing it for what it is- only a caricature. I've got to say, this being a budding artist has been unexpectedly traumatic! 

I see the formless hiding within everything now.

Readjusting

     There is that which is and that which is to be. That which is, which is my present job, is heading towards extinction while that which is to be is open to interpretation from the point where I am at now, which is a vastly different point from where I was then, when I initially took the job. Taking a job similar to the one I chose then is not a decision I will revisit. 

So what now? The field of potential, previously closed and/or muted, opens once again and choice is offered. 

Every stage in life presents different sections which need be negotiated, each section containing peculiar variables, preferences, and needs. During this stage, it's like all these balls peculiar to the present mindset I have are in the air and are being juggled, dropped on the floor, then picked up again. They must be incorporated and the feat mastered for the show to go on. 

Readjustment is a process of seeing what fits, trying things on, using one's imagination, employing extrapolation, and visualizing potentials. Basically, it's using all the tools available in order to create the best possible outcome, for the best possible outcome is always highly desired but what if your imagination is limited by what you can't conceive of, for so much exists in the field of potential that is unknown?

Certainly this is true in many areas, in jobs, in physical locations, in relationships with people, so what determines outcome? All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and take steps towards uncertain but sensed goals. Really, expand into the possibilites as much as you can for you can't imagine what further doors may open to you by simply walking through the first one. There's always more. 

My kind of gig.

Kael Bloom- Unsplash.com

Adding to this is the call of the soul to fulfill one’s purpose for being here as part of the Grand Design. Certainly we have some say in which roles we play but oft times there are agreements we have made to be at certain places at certain times in order to have experiences and have affects on others and outcomes because we are all butterflies that impinge on the fabric of existence and if we can do so in tune with the conductor what a symphony we can be a part of, ideally. 

This has always been my goal, to play my part in perfect harmony with the source of creation, but ne'r am I (or you) limited to only one role. We are asked again and again if we would like to do this or take part in that for the fabric of the living tapestry is ever changing and actions might be required of us this day, tomorrow, or perhaps next week or for months on end. Any volunteers?

It's like we have agreed to do certain things but also have leeway to change our minds so if you think you're working at an ordinary job or living somewhere that's not what you would consider optimal there's more behind what you see with your eyes and hear with your ears as to what's really going on. 

I am continuously astounded that this is not at the forefront of people's minds, the fact that life is magical and never the opposite but if you watch mainstream media you'd think otherwise, that nothing of what I have been relating is occurring. Theirs is the dull version of events. Perhaps you should 'change the channel' and tune into a different story. Just a suggestion. 

'Cuz to me it couldn't be any more black and white. Either reality is just an accident of evolution, where we glimpse our surroundings and culture with temporary self awareness or this is an ongoing, incredibly complicated dance of energies heading towards a positive, expanding, and never ending journey beyond the reaches of time.

Reassessment

Having never achieved what The World considers 'success' I and the rest of us non-celebs or non-whatevers (business owners, college grads, insert your version of success here) are plagued with endless retrospectives of others people's careers. One such offering has made me reassess my thinking about what I have been 'missing'.

I was watching a documentary called Hired Guns the other day and marveling at how the same lessons I've had to face were faced in a different way by the people represented in the film. 'Hired Guns' refers to session musicians who are called upon to work a gig with a band, those gigs being A. Filling a necessary slot in a band's developmental stages, B. Being 'the guy' that helps them get through a portentious recording session, C. Filling a critical player's role on a band's upcoming or current tour, or D. Touring for years or decades with the same band or different headlining bands.

Experienced by these people were the usual workplace hazards that I've had to face- betrayal, lack of job security, being liked and in or disliked and out, sudden shifts in management's direction, dissatisfaction with one's current job, group chemistry, cruel bosses, low pay, the compulsion to strike out on one's own, workplace tragedy, riding towards heady success or feeling that the road the group is on is leading to a dead end. That's a pretty comprehensive list, but there may be more. 

Shredding is our passion.

Flavio Gasperini- Unsplash.com

From this grab bag of workplace/group dynamic similarities it's easy to see that if you need to get schooled it doesn't matter where you're placed. Aspiring rock muscians might think they're getting away from a lot of the troubles that ordinary people have to face but the lessons they need to learn will inevitably find them. It is the way of it and I couldn't help but nod my head a lot thinking "been there" when various band members were talking about their experiences, so close to home were some of them for me even though I hadn't been in the music business like they were, chasing The Dream of every teenage guy, achingly near to the top or actually there, but then again I was experiencing grand dramas in my own peculiar way at the time because the crises I faced were as real to me as theirs were. The stakes for me might not have been nearly as high but the emotions were and I guess that's what counts when you're learning about something. You get what you are willing and able to deal with.

The amazing thing about these guys, the 'hired guns', was that all of them had been near or at the top at one time or another and how brief their stay there was once they got there. Of course I knew that from before, that fame was fleeting, but to hear them open up about what it was like for them was relevatory. Having such heady experiences had pressed buttons deep inside of them, core issues had definitely been faced, but then again I had had my buttons pushed too during my times in the fire, only in a different way. 

If we had each faced our inner issues in a different setting or arena in order for them to play out what difference did it make? I can't think of any. We had individually crafted the ways and means to achieve the understandings that we needed in order to proceed, round out aspects of our characters, and seat lessons in our souls that we'll never forget so that we'd be (most of us) better people in the end.

Some people in the film went a different way, they didn't learn their lessons and sort of wasted the opportunity, in my view, which was sad because they'll just recreate another arena in which to stage another drama when the time is right and they're ready to try, try again. 

You coulda titled this documentary "The Path We're All On" or something like that because- fame/schmame. That's only a tool that some of us use to get there- to the place where we've experienced it all, in our own unique ways, and now contain within each of us that precious essence called wisdom.

Reformulating

     I have long seen myself as if I'm passing through layers and layers of awareness to greater levels of understanding. It's amazing.

This process has been accelerating for me. I can't say for sure if it's just the internet and the plethora of information it makes available on every subject imaginable that has been behind it as I have also steadily employed many personal growth methodologies, but I can say it's true that due to the internet, awareness 'upgrading' seems to be happening to the majority of the human race. 

We're getting smarter every day, as a whole. Ignorance about commonly shared things in our respective cultures is harder and harder to have as an excuse. It's as if we're almost expected to know about whatever is going on and the more we know, the more there is to know about! 

To make matters worse, or better, according to your perspective, there doesn't seem to be any 'Off' switch to this. In my case, my worldview continues to change even though I haven't been reading the news much, reading any self help books, or doing any specifically enlightening practices, save some new meditations (which entail the absence of thought, coupled with visualization). It's as if I'm absorbing understanding from simply doing ordinary day to day things (some of which entails 'keeping up') so even though I'm X number of years old and should be 'done' or close to done I find I'll probably never be done with learning. There is no Shangri-la valley where everything remains the same to duck into and even though I've had a gamut of experiences, and find that I know a lot, I hardly know it all and now wonder if 'knowing it all' is even possible. The World isn't the way it was years ago, let me tell you that. It's as if that world disappeared and something new rose in its place.

Everything nowadays is so connected, so interrelated. I see that clearly. Being older has brought it home to me that the know-it-all cockiness I had as a twenty something was ludicrous because The World has continued to surprise me. I'm a specialist in some areas, places where I've held intense focus, but I know I have to defer the majority of the running of the human race to other specialists who do what they do and like I, do what they do very well. 

New and improved!

Louis Reed- Unsplash.com

I, like they, have discovered that if you do something over and over you only get better at it and even though you have done it a hundred or a thousand times you're never done. Take driving, for example, the ordinary commute to work or shopping expedition around town. You might be making the usual drive that you've made hundreds of times but it's never the same drive, is it? And you're never the same person that has made that drive before. Life is like that. You just get better at it, even if you might have, in the eyes of The World, 'failed' somewhere along the way. 

Failing is a hot new concept now. The word is that failure is good because the more you fail the better you get overall in your approach to business and relationships and whatever else. Failure serves you because you inevitably have to reformulate your approach to something the next time you attempt it so that you can 'succeed', but ask any guy that has starred in a hit movie or made a number one record who has achieved 'success' and he'll tell you that it was only momentary success. That was then and whatever he's doing is now. 

We're all reformulating, always, and will be for all time. Just the way of it.

Ackler!

There is a cadre, an army really, of people that work at the airport. Some of them are front and center, the rest are background. Passengers take the employees at the airport for granted, mostly. The employees are performing their functions, just like at any other job, doing what they do and what they do makes it possible for the passengers to do what they do, which is whisk themselves (hopefully) through the process and get outta there or on the plane. 

That said, those that work at the airport see and encounter numerous situations as well as thousands upon thousands of people on a daily basis. Some things are witnessed personally, many are described later by others, those that were there at the time. Every day there's an ambulance at one end of the airport or another, some passenger went down and the paramedics were called. You name it, we've seen it all. Us worker bees. 

So, being on the job at the airport brings up a lot of stuff for you to think about. After all, how many people are awash in such a sea of humanity on a daily basis? Not many, if you think about it. Even if you work in a busy grocery store you're not seeing the volume that we airport workers see. We work at the watering hole of humanity, the place where every creature comes to and I suppose 'creature' isn't the right word but every once in a while, that word fits. I've seen people I never thought existed. 

Ackler’s perception of the busy airport

Thomas Shelberg- Unsplash.com

Uhm..... .....so the worker bees have reactions to what they witness or hear about, because you just don't experience this kind of volume anywhere else. The sheer number of people passing through is bound to produce some kind of drama, and every single day the vibe at the airport is different. It's astounding. We airport workers witness all kinds of things and watch each other's reactions to what is going down at the moment. We're the framework that the flow passes through, at our stations, doing our functions, and it only takes us a moment to glance over and see how Joe is doing, or Nancy, or Fred. We're constantly watching and observing each other's emotional states, gauging how they're 'handling things'. Overall, we have the same general responses to encounters and events. Elderly people that are struggling tend to make us sad. Passengers that engage us in conversation about our day and are sincere about it make us happy. Parents that unfairly berate children make us depressed while witnessing children express themselves in unabashed joy and wide-eyed wonder remind us how amazing the present moment can be. It's hard to see all these different things and not be affected.

But there is one guy in the airport that isn't affected, apparently, by anything. Ackler! This guy, a senior in his early 60's, is something else. No matter what is going down Ackler has the exact same reaction to it, which is a sort of blank stare along with a disinterested "whatever!" shrug. It's all the same to him. Is Ackler a Zen master? No! I don't think Ackler has been within one hundred yards of a spiritual bookstore in his life, has ever perused enlightening videos on the internet, has been inside a church for decades (if ever), and from the looks of him, he's not into any kind of self help study whatsoever so with Ackler, what’s up?

Does he not care about people, the effect that the current political climate is having on society, the staggering ramifications of tech, the uncertain direction that the planet is going, and all the other things there are to think about? That I think about? That I can't help but think about because just give me a moment and my wandering mind will find something to dwell upon, and perhaps deeply, but Ackler seems to never go there. Whatever is occurring, he's over it in seconds. I swear the guy's attention span is the same as a golden retriever's. He's there, man, he's got it, that thing that we all want- equanimity- and the incredible thing is, from the looks of him, he doesn't even know he has it! 

The guru of the airport, Ackler is. He's not there every day, but when he is I'm watching him like a hawk. I have seen astonishing amounts of drama take place around him. He's nonplussed by it. I have seen other airport workers struggle with excruciating boredom during the slow times while Ackler remains unaffected. I've seen Ackler's workload become almost painful to witness, yet he just does his job- without attitude, cynicism, or complaint.

Ackler has no resistance! To anything!

     What an amazing guy. Another person I took cues from was when I worked at a different airport. This cat was an African American guy whose job was to check in passengers curbside. A rather large fellow, he was. He had the most exquisite attitude, something that had been highly honed by years of experience in the airport as well as outside of it  but..... .....that's another story, one that I perhaps shall take the time to put to words later. Bottom line is-

You can learn a lot by watching other people.

Swensons's Sacred Shift

     (I can't help but present the experience I had in the forthcoming way for 'twas as if the gleaming Halls Of Honor demanded my words be fashioned in such a manner. Swenson's Sacred Shift would not have been done justice in the using of ordinary methods of description). 

The opportunity came up and I took it. Swenson had gone on vacation and the guy above me, Clark, in hallowed seniority didn't feel like working so I swooped in and signed my name on the schedule. 

My request was, after the painstaking reviewing of union rules, subsequently approved.

Swenson, let me give you a little background here, is an old, old hand. He probably doesn't know what working nights and weekends are like, it's been so long. He also has perhaps dim and distant memories of staying late to help out the ever-shorthanded night shifters but he, like everyone else, plays all the angles so it's not like he can be faulted for taking advantage of every small, miniscule, or even microscopic way to distance himself from pulling his true weight at the jobsite.

Now Swenson has been spotted coming in earlier, here and there, but when he does (to cover for the absent 'King Of Seniority', a guy named Krueger) he just leaves earlier! It's not like he's helping out, he's helping himself. But, that's his M.O.. (I've got everybody's charted around here). 

It took Swenson many, many years to get to the lofty heights his perch overlooks the jobsite from and he'll never let those under him or any newbies forget it. He has aches and pains, or makes like he does, when he bails out the door ("after a ruff week", as he puts it) on Friday afternoons. N'er on a weekend day is he around. Folks tell me that this is the way things have been since long before I showed up. 

Well, enough about Swenson. Let's get back to where we started, talking about his venerated shift, one that is simultaneously protected like Fort Knox, the secrets of the Vatican, and what actually happened at Area 51. 

Swenson's start time is at 7:00 a.m., and his quittin' time is at 3:00, but Swen (as he's known around here) starts putting his tools away at 2:30 in order to 'tidy up some'. Not in a hurried way, mind you, but in a time killin' way, 'cuz he's eyein' the time clock and doesn't want Chief (the supervisor) to find him waiting in front of the time clock to punch out. 

Studying a layout

Thomas Sweeny- Unsplash.com

Monday through Friday Swen is on the job, that is, unless he's on vacation (he gets more than a month off every year). This guy is hard to take, he's kind of a know it all, but I've managed to avoid him mostly and now here I find myself, driving to work to work his shift at the ungodly hour of 6:00 a.m.! Is this what Swen's day is like every day, driving to work in the pre-dawn darkness? It is. I marvel at the amount of traffic I encounter. Lotta other Swenson's out there! More than I imagined.

Upon arriving at the jobsite, I clock in and station myself at Swen's work area. It's like entering a damn enemy camp! Dayshifters all around eye me warily. They know I'm only a temporary apparition but still, they don't want me to establish any toehold. This is what I'm thinking but a few of them greet me warmly. I'm a breath of fresh air to them, it seems, 'cuz they've had to weather a lot of Swen's gruff attitude and I'm appearing to not be (they're checking) carrying any of that. I'm actually grateful to be at work at such an early hour and that shows, even if the light is awfully bright and the shadows that are being cast are lying in odd directions. 

"So this is what it's like!" think I as I get my tools out and get to work at Swen’s actual work station. It's like holy ground I'm standing upon. Few mortals have ever had the privilege. How have I come to be so blessed?!

As the shift progresses I witness any number of odd, only seen during the day, things. Some of what I see disturbs me, but I say not a word. If I'm ever going to hope to fit in with this crew I'd best be holding my tongue. They've got a system, a hierarchy, a pecking order, a certain flow that has developed over the years, one that has been reluctantly yet continuously modified. Swen has his place in all this and I represent it, but only for a day. Some other employee, also unimaginably blessed, will get to experience Swenson's Sacred Shift tomorrow, for tomorrow I must resume my regular shift on my regularly scheduled day. I wish I could stay, oh I wish it were so, but "Nay!" say The Gods Of Seniority, who rule with ruthless, merciless, and heavy hand. 

"'Tis not fair, the system!" I cry, or think about crying out, but like most of my other thoughts inside the confines of The Company, I keep such matters to myself. Swenson earned his exalted perch through the toil and sweat of many years labor. Who am I to question this, ask for any boon, or beg for lenience when before me sits Swenson's workbench, supremely weathered and worn, ample evidence of Swenson's selfless devotion to those selfsame gods of profit that we all must answer to, in some way or another? Swenson's trek up the mountain was entirely honorable. No greater sacrifice could one give but his life and I must acknowledge that. I must know my place and dare not overstep any bounds. 

And then, alas, alas. As all days do, this one progresses and I find myself once again at the punch clock, holding my time card, about to punch out at the absolutely astounding and utterly amazing time of three o'clock p.m. With trembling hands I steady the card in its receiving slot, then press the machine's button. 'Click!" My time is recorded and I think I ought to frame this particular time card, or take a picture of it, to show to my coworkers, wife, family, and friends, for who will believe that I have worked Swenson's Sacred Shift were I not to provide any evidence? In any case, I am sure to be hotly queried about my pulling off the impossible for Swenson's Sacred Shift is known to all who work at the facility, in most every neighborhood home, at every after-work bar for miles around, by the governors of every adjoining state, and even to a gaggle of ship captains plying the distant and briny seas. 

Soooo glad I got to experience it.

Skeleton Coast

       Had on one of my favorite garage sales finds, a pirate shirt, the last couple of days. Garage sales are places where you can find the coolest and funkiest clothes. Some people have trouble wearing stuff that other people have found somewhere, purchased, and worn for awhile, their energy being in it and all, but I don't have a problem with that unless the energy is way way off in which case my guidance would have been to not be at that garage sale in the first place. I would have passed it by.

So back to my pirate shirt which looks really cool and fits me perfectly, which is another thing that happens every once in a while, you find a piece of clothing that seems tailor made and wear it over and over until it's threadbare because you don't think you'll ever find any piece of clothing like it again, but you do.

Anyway, this post is about being a pirate and what was that like. I was a pirate at one time, in one life, I feel it in my bones and I will tell you it wasn't a glamorous life. It was a lot of time spent out at sea looking for ships to raid and running like hell if they looked at all threatening because the Royal Navy was on the hunt for people like us and would take us out if they could. If we were ever spotted we would head for the coast and inlets there that we and only we knew about because our vessels had shallower drafts than their ships did plus we had compadres in the local area. The navy wouldn't follow us onto land and we knew it. Our safety was in sticking close to shore and never venturing out too far. 

About all that is left of us.

Markus Spiske- Unsplash.com

The trading ships also stuck close to the shore in case supplies ran low and because venturing too far out used up valuable resources like manpower and time. They were on the clock, same as us, trying to eke out profits before the hazards of their occupation took too big a toll.

Pirating was a desperate life and once you got into it you were no good after that. Marked for death, you were, for being a pirate or associating with pirates in any way was almost automatically answered by trips to the gallows. Governments hated us, citizens too, and so we lived on the very fringes which weren't very popular places to be, let me assure you of that. I don't recall any lusty port where we could sail into the harbor and be welcomed by kegs of grog and women fluttering their handkerchiefs at us from brothel windows like you see in the movies. That would have been a dream come true but our dreams were mainly to plunder a gold bearing ship and get the hell off the water and make our way to the frontier where we couldn't get found or spotted by anyone and live out the rest of our lives but disease took us, storms, fighting (or the wounds we suffered from doing that), malnutrition, and drink. The navies of various governments vying for control of the seas constantly sunk our vessels and even the best and most cunning of our breed were eventually outclassed and outmaneuvered by the ever changing outside world which developed countermeasures against us that made The Life less than worthwhile. Just wasn't any chance for us to score anymore. 

Yeah, we were drunks, plunderers, and looters, scourges upon society, debauched lechers and freaks of nature, but at least we were honest about who and what we were. We didn't pretend to be anything else- and that was our downfall. We should have taken our cues from the Slick Willies of the time who were far better at the game of amassing booty than us.

The trick back then, which is the same one used today, was to hide behind respectability to do thieving. In that way you could be gathering up all the gold in the world and still able to walk down the street unmolested, the population unaware of your crimes, and maybe even cheering you.

Meditation

After a long hiatus, I have been called by my pestering guides to resume daily meditation. Let me tell you about my guides..... 

     A lot of people believe in guides, discarnate beings that are around them. 'Guardian angels' is a term frequently used. There are many different ways of describing them. I don't SEE my guides, never have, but I have seen things out of the corner of my eye a lot, rapid movements, but I can't capture an image because whatever it is is gone too fast. I think that's them. 

Anyway, when they want me to do something- and it's always good- they kind of get on my mind a lot. At first it's like a good idea to do whatever then if I don't do it I get the feeling that I might be better off or assisted by doing it (but it's never I 'should' be doing something). It's like an increasingly strong suggestion. That's usually enough to get me on the right track. 

Yes.

Le Minh Phuong- Unsplash.com

So. Mediation. I'm naturally good at this, I'm kind of in a walking meditation all the time. I spend time in contemplation often so I'm never far from a state of mental quietness but lately I've been asked to take it a step further and go into a deeper state which calls for stillness of body, eyes closed, sitting upright, breathing slowly and evenly, and setting aside any thoughts or thinking. 

Been doing this for a few weeks now and I like it. Didn't think I would so much but I anticipate doing the meditations I'm doing. A few have come to my awareness and the ones I'm practicing are from Dr. Joe Dispenza and if you don't know who he is look him up. He was in 'What The Bleep Do We Know?' years ago and since then has been up to some interesting stuff. 

  The word that comes to me about this is 'coherence', more of that is necessary to keep my being operating at an optimal level. To give a little background I was pretty good without doing formal meditation for years. I practiced Vipassana meditation on and off, did Transcendental Mediation many years ago, and have explored the mind quite a bit through Advaita practice but now's the time to sit in silence again. Why? I don't know. When the guides lean on ya, you just do it 'cuz it's always for a reason. 

So here's to coherence! Gonna go sit now.

Insouciance

The present day climate seems awfully dire but strangely, if you think about it, a lot of planetary citizens are doing quite well. Yet, things could be better. There could scads more transparency, for one. What's with all this hiding around in the shadows stuff, all the secrecy? What is that about? 

That kind of stuff has always been there, long before tech started placing its hyper-vigilant Googly Eyes upon everything. Lots has been uncovered already but that has only raised the protective hackles of certain factions worldwide and so one must suspect that there must be a lot left under the rug. The steady trend, however, is it’s only a matter of time before there are no more secrets. Data can’t be protected. Hackers will see to that.

    You would think that with all of this light being shed, spread, and disseminated that the bad guys, the bad people, those who are badder than bad, the dark lords, the evil princes, the tainted kings and vile queens, the corrupt and twisted would throw up their hands thinking "What's the use anymore?" and come crawling out of the same kinds of holes in the ground that Saddamn Hussein crawled out of all disheveled but.....

 .....they haven't, have they? No, it's more like now they're all super pissed and have brazenly come out into the open and are in our faces doing everything they can to make their tainted realities seat themselves into the social fabric and....

....you know where I'm goin' with this. I don't have to describe viruses for you to get the picture.....

......but that hasn't caused the lightworkers, lightbearers, the good guys, the white hats, the Lone Rangers, the Zorros, the Masked Avengers, the what was that movie called, those film noir guys that were shadow dwellers themselves but got the job done social justice vigilantes, started with a W?.....

....(The) Watchmen (thank you). That doesn't stop those kind from settin' things right, where they can, and how they can, just don't pay any mind to how things get cleaned up because that might not be the 'right' way to do it but it always gets the heads in the theatre nodding in agreement. 

So we got two potential eventual outcomes we're moving towards. One path leads us to where it's increasingly dark and (I gotta say it) ultimately horrific, except for them, the few, that will live somewhere, nobody knows exactly where, but it'll be on top. And then we got the other path that leads us towards the light, where all of us will happily dwell, because we came into mutal agreement that that is what we wanted and were willing to make that happen.

This playout of the dark and light has been going on forever, it seems, as far back as history has been written but even further back from that if you're at all metaphysical and after all the time that has passed you would think that I would be writing about either how these damn leg irons chafe my ankles or how bright and shiny unicorns really are 'cuz by now one side of the other should have won. 

“La la la la la……..”

Marc Schafer- Unsplash.com

But neither side has. What we have instead is the same old standoff where neither side has won yet but they won't concede the battle. They have no intention of giving in. Sort of like the Republicans and the Democrats. (Good analogy there). 

  Looking back, I can assure you from personal experience that the mainstream media hasn't changed much. In the olden times, when there were newspapers, there wasn't a lot of good news to be found. Only thing that has changed is that nowadays the news can be presented in rapid fire fashion, like a barrage, and boy have the not-so-lofty taken full advantage of that. "Look at all the platforms we now have to spread our same old message!" they exclaim in glee, as they present the 'present' of their version of 'reality' to you.

Now as anybody who has ever encountered a noisy environment instinctively knows, the cumulative effect of being continuously impinged upon presents the danger of wearing you out. To counteract this, you get the hell out of there! You go outside, leave the room, take a break, get away from the social setting, or turn off the device.

Ahhhh. Calm settles in. Deep breaths occur. Stress drains from your system. You relax. This is exactly what the purveyors of negative content don’t want you to do. They want you to stay tuned in so you can 'keep appraised of the developing situation'. They want to keep you on edge, wear you down, numb you out, and eventually break you. They want you to give in, cry "Uncle!", and accept the 'new' version of reality that they are espousing, urgently and passionately, for 'your protection and safety', which is some sort of dreary ongoing nightmare battle world.

They want you to choose to give up your dreams of a better world. They want you to extinguish the light that burns within you, fuels your heart, and powers your soul but only you can choose to do that. 

Never give in.

Be the insouciant one.

(Insouciant, from Websters: 'Showing a casual lack of concern, indifferent')

Time Marches On

Or does it? Yes... ….it does….  ...and no, it doesn’t. From a human perspective, time definitely marches on. Every moment counts. One must maximize, super-size, and prioritize one's life. The gaining of experience is what ultimately matters in life and when it comes to experience accruing, let’s gobble up as much of the good stuff as possible while avoiding at all costs the bad because can’t you just hear that damn clock ticking? It’s there, we’re very aware of it, and that’s why we all hit the ground running.

Looking around the airport in which I spend soooo much time the passage of time has almost a desperate quality around it. Wasting not a second, the passengers, most of them, are on the move. No military operation moves faster or more efficiently than a family hup-hupping it to wherever it is they are going, no just-retired couple is filled with more goal-achieving satisfaction that the duo deftly wending their way through baggage claim, traveling light and traveling a lot, this stop only one of many that are planned, while the singles threading their way through have their own destinies to fulfill, those being meeting the family (again), the lover waiting for them in a curbside car, or a friend or friends with which they will have some sort of adventure. 

You can almost hear choirs of angels singing "Precious moments are at hand!" when meet-ups happen. It is so poignant, amazing, and yet at the same time sobering to witness this, over and over. The wide-armed greetings, squeals of joy, wraparound hugs, big smiles, firm handshakes, and the lover's embrace that lingers and puts off heat oh my God get a room already.

On the flip side of all this are the various scenarios where the passage of time weighs like an anchor on hearts and minds. Take a look at any employee who is putting on a brave face but would rather be anywhere else. Gaze at the wheelchair passengers who somebody is going to pick up but that somebody is not in any hurry to get there. Glance at the ones who aren't that good looking and don't have lovers waiting for them and are just making their way through the mob to their home or hotel. Observe the surly traveling worker bees with their little carry-ons, toolboxes on wheels, or demo gear who only want to get home and are emitting the vibe “Don't bother me and don't delay my progress un momento!”

Stop reminding me what time it is! What’s new on Netflix?

Jack Sharp- Unsplash.com

  To keep the throng appraised of where they stand, every half hour a time announcement comes over the airport's intercom while little kids play and some of the passengers squirm, tap toes, and people watch inside the terminal. The others sit staring at their phones, packing more data in. This data is to some degree knowledge, to the other useless trivia, which accumulates and is stored ‘somewhere’. The data absorbers are trying to fill up a gargantuan and seemingly insatiable computer hard drive called Mind, which they individually call my mind, which can't be located anywhere inside or outside of their bodies. Maybe it exists in 'The Cloud'.

Meanwhile, outside of the airport windows, there are other clouds and movement is occurring. The tide is rising, the sun is slowly arcing across the sky, and the brooding mountains nearby are experiencing rain. This scene seems to be taking place within the same context of human time but if you really think about what is happening out there, it’s timeless.
Ten thousand years could pass, geologically, the present-day humans long gone, the airport a crumbling relic, and the natural surroundings would most likely have only imperceptibly changed. 

For outside of the human experience there are no clocks or calendars. There is no such thing as 'day', 'night', 'weekend', 'decade', or 'history'. There are no labels for anything because there is no one measuring, calculating, or comparing anything. There is no ‘evolving’ and no ‘purpose for being’.

Which may be something to think about the next time you're sitting in an airport lounge, patiently (or impatiently) waiting for your flight. Look out those big windows, past the busy runway and the planes taxing into position, at the distant horizon where you can see some nature. There, outside of the human drama, the grand and passionate 'telenovela’ we’re all soooo wrapped up in, everything just is.

Brace Yourself, Here Comes Smarmy

Smarmy is a word that describes an attitude that is quite prevalent today. I have been awash in Smarmy people for quite some time and I find this trait highly irksome. It's like people are infected with it or something. I really wish they'd get over it but Smarmy seems to be here to stay so if you're continuously in an environment containing a lot of Smarmy people, I don't have to describe the identifying qualities of Smarminess to you but if you aren't out in public that much, here's a primer:

Smarmy people carry a particular attitude, sort of like they Know It All coupled with Been There, Done That even if they haven't Been Anywhere or Done Anything much. Maybe they saw 'it' on  a web page, on TV, or they watched a video. They've 'been around'. Exuding from them is comparison, coupled with scorn. Whatever it is they are surveying they survey it with jaundiced eyes. 

Young women are usually Smarmier than young men, but the men can be surprising in their ability to be Smarmy. I've seen them one-up some of the Smarmier women that I have encountered. "Well done, son!" think I. "Touche!" Older women and men can also unexpectedly stun you with Smarminess who woulda thunk it?

Smarmy men tend to be young, late twenties into their early thirties, while the women tend to be Smarmy at an even younger age (think Valley Girl) and somehow, through innumerable interactions with their like-minded sistahs, they can hone their Smarminess to a razor's edge of sharpness, which they casually whip out and employ should any occasion for Smarminess arise. It is at these opportune moments when these adepts at Smarminess let loose some exquisitely voiced disapproval, which can be devastatingly effective while being simultaneously awe inspiring in the way the Smarminess was so effortlessly crafted. Truly, to observe this is to see mastery in action. 

Smarmy people like to dress down those they deem worthy of being Smarmed, which could be just about anybody. They also like to rain down Smarminess on just about everything they observe, always comparing, comparing. Whatever is being measured against their golden standard always falls short and thus justifys the unleashing of utter and complete disdain, for Smarminess never comes out in varying degrees, only at full force. 

Contemptuous might be another word for Smarminess, it is as if the Smarmy one is aghast at just about everything he or she encounters, which is a world falling far short of expectation and needing to be corrected but it won't be the Smarmy one fixing anything, for he or she is above it all.

'Critics of life' might be still another way to describe the Smarmy tribe. Smarmy ones strut around like cosmopolitan dandies, noses in the air, perhaps ideally peering through a single eyepiece like the icon of The New Yorker magazine does, examining that which is before him while running through his mind a plethora of experiences, words, and scenarios in which to conjure up the absolutely precise way in which to describe in devastating fashion to his equally astute companions what he is witnessing oh my God these people.........

Oh ho! I’m trending!

Bruce Mars- Unsplash.com

.....can be pretty damn annoying but I suppose they are necessary for without them we would be as unaware as backcountry bumpkins so it's good that cultured, urbane, studied, and intelligent ones should appraise for the rest of us our shortcomings for without them in the picture we would be hopelessly lost. Generations might go by and slowly and imperceptibly we might indeed become denizens of The Planet Of The Apes were it not for them curbing our impulses to (gasp) continue down that road, that path, one that they wouldn't set foot on in a million years, it containing mud and all. 

Thinketh I exaggerate? Not at all. Smarmy people would tell you exactly that, were they to even bother, which they won't, for to them a mere raising of the eyebrows is all that should ever suffice. 

Where does or did this come from, this creeping malaise? Is it the internet? The hipster phenomenon? Are people so different than they were before, now that they are armed with information and trivia galore, so that they think they know everything and if they don't the answer is only a click away? Are we Instagramming ourselves into thinking that we know everything that is going on and can ever go on for now we have our fingers on the pulse of life itself and are steering it according to our incessant tweets about what is happening this very minute and if ever we consider writing an actual paragraph that's the domain of Facebook and blogging where we, if pressed upon, may even go so far as to include a link to a video......

Ok, enough! I gotta run. I'm sure to encounter many Smarmy ones today, they're unavoidable anymore. At least they're not walking around and scanning me with those damned Google Glasses. 

Not yet.

A War Of Words

 Is taking place within this country and around the world. Various 'camps' are firing salvos at each other and the bombardment is heavy at times but words can only do so much damage. Thus, Citadels remain. 

Reputations and credibility are under attack everywhere you look, many times unfairly so, for in war it is hardly the case where battles are fought fairly. Battles are fought by whatever means are necessary. 

Position is hoped to be gained or maintained in the eyes of the public to keep the voters voting favorably and donors offering their support so that policies can be enacted and laws passed which will be supported by duly appointed, ideologically compatible judges who will act to maintain control of regions so that things remain the same, revert back to the way they used to be, or turn into what they 'ought to be' (but not into what they ideally could be). 

Lies and disinformation thus abound. Doublespeak is rampant. Misdirection is employed to divert attention from possible collusion. This faction, or that one, supports a cause which seems to be at odds with the very premise of its existence. Boundaries are blurred and lines are crossed, again and again. 

Social media is the new banner that the troops rally behind. There are likes and dislikes, retweets, reposts, Twitterstorms, and furious platform-enabled fusillades against opponents. Thoughts flow back and forth along digital paths at the speed of light, inspiring, inciting, involving, and annoying readers/viewers, compelling and repelling followers. 

The context from which something that was said is placed within, the particular vernacular that was used, and even the tone of voice that something was uttered in in these hypersensitive times could be cause for vehement response. Flurries of positive/negative reactions issue forth hot on the heels of any newsworthy event. 

Shameless and blameless many have become, who have seen previously closed doors become open to them due to the brash behavior of the ones who have forged ahead, damn any 'rules' of propriety.

“Oh.. ..o.. ..say can you see…”

Julia Kouzenkov- Unsplash.com

Anything goes at this point. Backlashes are weathered like sudden storms then up pops the weasel again. 

Incredulity gives way to resignation. Boys will be boys, and formerly closed Good Old Boys clubs now embrace many women 'on message' with the cause.

Crude and rude gets the job done and if it's ugly, avert your eyes. Remove yourself from the arena if you can't cowboy up.

Bullies rule the playground but bullies were never known to be smart so how long can this last in the age of the smart phone? You did not win that many ones' undying support. Builders of society you are not, though throne sitters you may be, and despite the disease extant at certain levels of the organization the greater body of citizenry quietly follows the tried and true path of survival- cooperation, harmony, and balance. 

It's too bad that reason seems to have had its season and that deviousness is now trying to get its day in the sun but it is what it is. Madness only exists inside The Citadels for outside of nonsense exists order, which must be so for a thing such as The Citadel, wherever it may be, to even exist. 

In olden times pieces of metal would be flying through the air, trying to wear The Citadel down, while those within The Citadel would be launching projectiles intending to harm the attackers. Be thankful now in these times that the only armaments employed are words. In this way we can be said to have 'evolved'. 

This present day war of words will only end when each participant goes within to measure what is being said against what they themselves reason to be true, for truth is desperately being attempted to be obscured by smirking Know It Alls who ask you to accept their version of reality as Said and Done while another version of reality is being presented by a courageous contingent for you to consider. To make matters even more vexing, all of this is being quickly clouded over on a daily basis by the acrid smoke and enveloping mists of an ongoing battle.

But the end is certain. Reason must prevail. The only question is, when? How long can those within the halls of untruth hope to hold out? Fervently they maintain their positions, never giving an inch, for to them doing so means 'death'. Giving in means compromising and not wanting to compromise is what the battle is really all about. Those within The Citadels fear giving up what they have gained for they imagine the enemy to be just as vicious as they. They will be subjugated, reduced in number, and steadily lessened in power for in their minds compassion does not exist, thus they believe this is also true in the minds of 'the enemy'. 

  Holdouts, they are, in a changing humanity, trying to support their cause by hopeless means. Baseless lies and distorted facts only undermine their credibility and over time their base will erode after they see non-results from failed policies. Defections will increase and the media supporting the cause will speak into an ever more hollowed-out and echoey void.

Come eventual ‘victory’ then, vengeance the 'victors' will not seek, for there is room for all in a sane and progressive world.

(The real truth, of course, being that most of us have already moved on).

Oversharing

"It's not like I'm adverse to hearing your story.... uhm...."
(she doesn't want to hear it)
....and I don't want to interrupt...."
(oh no time's up)
".....but I really have to change the subject before I forget...."
(yeah I know, revert the conversation back to your stuff)

".......to tell you about what happened at my new gig inside the offices of Domenite Corporation yesterday, which has sort of been a theme to my life. It's a...."
(oh here we go)
".....pattern of injustice that actually really became apparent during the time I held that human resources position at Blurt Company......"
(she's not interested in my life at all!)

".....which was like, really traumatic! Grayson and Frederika were soooo mean. I mean they- and especially Grayson- saw that I had an in with Terrell, who's was grooming himself for upper management, and they......"
(it's okay for her to share)
"....set up that meeting, the one I told you about, remember? Terrell was warm to me when we sat down but when Frederika said what she said...."
(you shoulda got over this months ago)

“Yup….. ….I see…… ….uh huh…..”

Andrea Tummons- Unsplash.com

"....that's when Terrell's attitude changed towards me and after that it was never the same. I had been branded somehow with the Scarlet Letter- for doing absolutely nothing! The head of human resources and a few other people in other key management positions....."
(staring blankly, nodding occasionally)

".....started giving me the cold shoulder, like I had the plague or something. And I did! The BlurtCo black plague! I had been marked for death! It was so unfair. Frederika got promoted soon afterwards...."
(I wonder what I'm going to make for dinner tonight?)

"....but didn't last, did she? She only thought she had the right stuff! Grayson (laughs) had to run solo after that, and that enabled Terrell to clearly see that he was incompetent. Justice, huh? But then Janice showed up. Ugh! That little tart! When she came onto the scene my career became as good as over! Terrell......"
(sigh... ....trying to look like I’m listening)
".....and her started going out and I knew. I knew that it was the end for me. That's when I started sending out my resume. Anything was better......"
(I feel so alone)

"...than the oppressive environment that BlurtCo became. But you know what it did for me, that whole experience?"
(what?)
"It changed me into a better person. I wasn't bitter about it. Being bitter only makes it worse. I chose to move on. Other people don't care what has gone on in your life!"
(tell me about it)
"My getting shot down at BlurtCo was what got me to take classes. Classes in human development that were offered for free by the local community college. Group therapy sessions, they were, hosted by a psychologist. A group of ten of us....."
(maybe I should join one…)

"....shared the experiences we had had, wrestling with pain. We listened to and supported each other's journeys. Sometimes it got really deep. I remember there was this guy named Jason....."
(please do go on)
"....who had been persecuted at work, not exactly in the same way that I was....."
(I think I'm gonna pass out)
"......which was by a tag team duo. Jason got picked on by the whole department he was in. He was gay, you know. In a construction company! When the guys he was working with found out...."
(what were you saying? I think I missed something)

"....it was like he was radioactive. The whole environment of camaraderie he had been enjoying with the guys shifted right under Jason's feet. Not a single one of them would talk to him anymore....."
(I know what that feels like)
"......so he retreated to this inner world. I guess we all have one. I know I do! That's the place I go......"
(when the outer world gets to be too much?)

".....when I feel I'm not being heard. It's a place where I can express my feelings and maybe get some feedback, like when I'm talking to a close friend. A friend like you! I really treasure...."
(is this really happening?)
".....these times when we talk".

Honor Your Commitment

While it is clever of you to work the angles surrounding your present job, to find all the little gray areas where you can play your avoidance games, it would really be helpful if you didn't. 

     For you see, we, your coworkers, showed up ready to work. Somewhere along the way it got instilled in us that Honoring Our Commitment was valuable let me explain…. 

People don't exist in a vacuum. What they do has an effect on everybody else and every other thing. Most of what people do is absorbed into the great big gestalt called The World which is the cumulative effect of people's actions and is measured by scientists and sociologists but let's not go into broad spectrum awareness. Let's keep it close to home. In fact, let's go inside that 'home away from home' called the workplace and make it personal. 

  Now I know we each have our issues. Things aren't working out the way you thought they would. The wife is on your back, or the boyfriend, or it’s the ex or the kids or the in-laws or you got health issues or your mother is long term sick or whatever. We all got our problems. 

    And I know it's hard sometimes to look at the situation you're in and not try to lay some or most of the blame for things being the way they are on The Man, 'the oppressor', but you gotta understand that The Man is far removed and supremely shielded from whatever actions you decide to take at work to 'get back' at him. Or is it her? Doesn't matter. 

To your feeble efforts The Man laughs, for he doesn't feel a thing. Your coworkers- us- however, do. When you decide to call in sick when you're not, we have to cover for you. When you decide to take a three day weekend and not report on your Monday or Friday of the week, we have to cover for you. When you disappear at work or figure out a way to appear to be working but are really not, we have to cover for you. Need I go on? You look to be strangely puzzled by this. Are you not getting it? I thought that what was being relayed was unmistakably clear..... 

     No, you are getting it. And that's the problem. You know what you are doing yet you do it anyway. 

Perhaps figuring out why you choose to take the low road might be a course of study beneficial for you to undertake for you probably don't feel so good about yourself or the actions you are taking. It's okay. We understand because way back in the past we did the kinds of things that you did and felt the feelings you are now experiencing. Those weak and sickly vibrations didn't settle well with us so we chose to explore them in order to get rid of them. 

    The only way we could figure out how to overcome those feelings was to live honorably in a dishonorable world. We knew we couldn't change the exterior a whole lot, there were too many people making dishonorable choices, but we decided that at least we were going to feel good about ourselves.

That was a long time ago for us, it seems, for we know that time weighs heavy on the dishonorable. 

The only thing you can’t escape is having to live with yourself

Zoltan Tasi- Unsplash.com

Consequently, we don't go home at night anymore carrying guilt and self loathing. We may at times stray in our actions, everybody does, for The World is an intense place, but we course-correct rapidly while you don't. You linger in the dark, heavy, and sad vibrations and go into endless stories about this and that and them in order to justify your actions to yourself and the people that share your views, who you call 'friends'. The only entity you may fear is God, your creator, for while everybody else is ‘totally snowed’ you suspect that there is one who isn't taken in the least bit by your actions but you can even mentally come to grips with that. He's the forgiving kind, or so you’ve heard. When the time comes you'll just check out like you usually do so there's really not a lot to worry about there. 

Oh, I, we, wish we could reach you but so far all our efforts have been futile for you do what you do again and again and again. 

This is not to scold you, or lambaste you, for the honorable don't do that. Neither is this presented in order to shame you or forcefully educate you. It is only offered in compassion for you to consider. 

Eventually, the pain you have been causing others will have to be reckoned with and boy, that's gonna hurt. You. Hell, it happened to us, that's how we know. We saw the damage we caused, said "Anything but that!", and from then on stuck to the high road for we couldn't continue on in any other way.

Das Ist Das Ende

     There was a scene in the movie 'Patton' where the Nazis, on the verge of being overrun by the American army, were furiously burning papers in some bunker and one of the German officers was lamenting 'Das ist das ende!" while another officer was looking at a photograph while wryly muttering the cause for all this trouble:
       "Patton!"
       which I thought was pretty damn cool. Change was coming hot on these wannabe world dominators' heels. 

Well, not so dramatic but equally forceful, at least to me, is the fact that the place where I am working is undergoing a metamorphosis. Change is being thrust upon my company. They are being forced to relocate and when any operation has to do that, bunker mentality sets in. Lots of old business props are relocated, some are discarded, and you get to see that all of it was just a bunch of movie set material anyway. 

I've been through this three times now and it's like the damn MASH unit is bugging out or the circus is leaving town. There is a flurry of activity and then it's over. Only the detritus of the business is left behind- the vacant facility, the empty lot, the rusted signs, the bent entrance gate fence. 

Battlefield energy is what lingers at the site. The thousands of people's energy that animated the place, or passed through it, somehow remains and it's kind of eerie because you can sense it. Though the grounds may be vacant, they're still charged. No energetic healing work is ever done, no remediation of any kind occurs. What takes place is simply a real estate transaction, a purely third dimensional thing. Remodelers afterwards come in to fix the place up, demolition contractors arrive to level it, or the place gets scavenged and then is left empty 'cuz nobody wants the location or building(s). 

Don’t be the last one out of this place

Krisztian Matyas- Unsplash.com

But long before the lights go out the people working there get nervous. Very nervous. The herd senses that change is afoot. A smell is detected in the air, an odd movement by upper management is seen by some employee and is breathlessly reported to the others. Snorts issue forth and agitated hooves claw the ground. Old familiar surroundings are going away and new, brighter facilities are coming. "Where will I be able to hide?" employees think. "What will be asked of me? What will the new work area be like? Who is going to be in my department?" Soooo many questions and soooo few answers. 

But there isn't time for answers! The enemy is approaching and their arrival is imminent! We have to evacuate!

Das Ist Das Ende!

Can't say that some of the employees aren't happy to leave the old facility though, which months and even years ago went into slow decline as management steadily withdrew their support from it. The facility got to looking worse and worse over time 'cuz upgrades weren't happening and maintenance wasn't being done. Oh, that sort of stuff was being done enough to keep the place functional, in good enough shape to prevent any customers passing through from complaining, but pleasing to the eye it was not, especially in the areas the public couldn't land their eyes on. Deplorable and atrocious are words about those areas that come readily to mind. 

Which illustrates the point of all this. Businesses don't as a rule invest a lot of money on employee workplace satisfaction. The average work area is as spartan as it can be, containing only running machinery, necessary other equipment, things being stored, and lots of noise. Inside of any employee ‘comfort’ area there's usually a crappy coffee maker, lousy chairs, some banged up cabinets, ratty carpeting, barely functional old computers, fixtures and furniture lifted from who knows where, from thrift stores even, a ghastly refrigerator, and a florescent-lit break area. Just enough and no more. Workplaces are not esthetically pleasing like corporate offices are, they're depressingly functional. And this is what most places look like during the good times! Towards the end they get, well, kinda where you don’t want to be touching anything you don’t need to be touching grungy. 

But that's okay, sez management. "The new facility is where all our focus is! We're going to be packing up and moving over there soon to set up shop. So what and who cares about this dump?!"

"It's only business!"

A Message To The Class Of 1999

     How's all that world changin' workin' out? Are U Millennials getting things done, the kinds of things that you hoped the previous generation would have gotten around to? 

Well, speaking from experience, you probably feel at this point that you coulda done more and you're puzzled by that, you're looking back and going "What the hell happened?" because things haven't really changed all that much. 

Yeah, you brought us a lot of tech, and we got to thank you for bringing those wondrous computers and apps and all that into our lives, but you also opened the door to a lot of bad things coming through and using those portals but you can't be faulted for tryin’. 

To improve the world, that is. Every generation gives it a go. 

You were so full of hope then

Ben Konfrst- Unsplash.com

What you might be finding right about now is that the twenty-somethings are kinda lookin' down on you some, thinking that you have seriously dropped the ball and that they've got a long row to hoe 'cuz things we're supposed to get done on your watch and they weren't. Some of 'em might be a little mad. 

But you got busy, didn't you? It was a little more than you expected, this thing called Life, and well, things take time you know, and most times the path you were on didn't flow in a straight line. You got sidetracked or sidelined by things and might even have lost a little ground somewhere along the way before you got back in the game but those of us that have been there totally understand all that, and that's why we didn't take it so personal when you got mad at us do you remember?

Nah. You probably don't. You were too full of yourselves then. But that's okay. So were we, in our time! 

Lookin' on the bright side though, you did get a surprising amount of things done which pissed off or outright scared the kinds of people that don't like to see progress so those folks dug their heels in all the harder and put up walls or somehow hobbled progressive movements like it was the end of the world comin'(!) or something but you were just trying to help. You saw a way things could be made better but they didn't want to see a whole lot of change unless they could work that change for their own betterment, you understand, and you do. You saw darkness come out of hiding, like we did. 

“So yeah, uhm… …welcome to the club!” say we who have come before. Furthermore, we’ll tell you the gist of what we realized and came to grips with when we hit forty: “You can't give up, 'cuz what else is there?”.

If you’re anything like us, and you probably are, you’re going to find that you and your contemporaries are not going to be as vocal as they used to be, and most of them won’t make it near the front page anymore. Movies and TV shows will stop portraying your generation so much. You’ll find that you’re hardly as ‘up and coming’ as you once were and that you’re certainly not hot, not as hot as the twenty-somethings coming right out of the gate. But even so, you’ll continue doing what you can. 

So go and have a home-brew or something. Take the load offa your feet. Kick back and take a breather ‘cuz you gotta prepare yourself for what comes next. The twenty-somethings are hard at work creating a new culture and lingo and you’re gonna have a hell of a time trying to keep up!

In Addendum

     Well wouldn't you know it my piece de resistance written just a few days ago needed to have something added and damn if I didn't get what that something was until I was on my way to work.

I shoulda threw it in there, it was the point I had been trying to make, but didn't. I guess it just escaped my mind. 

The point I had been so bent on illustrating was that when I was walking through that Food Lion bopping to the beat of Hey Nineteen, in that moment everything was fine. 

Life moves through time, which can be measured in moments. Moments of this, moments of that. We think, when we are facing the worst, that the worst will last forever but it doesn't. It usually doesn't last very long. What we agonize over is what we think we will experience exclusively but it doesn't work that way. 

Bad times can certainly seem like forever, but there is always a little good mixed in. In my case, after I exited that Food Lion I still had to deal with being broke, and I did, and though it sucked I got through it. I knew that I had already faced the worst of it, which was the crazy notion I'd had previous to being broke which was that being broke was The End. Could have been, but I didn't choose that. I chose to move past it and in doing so again saw the light. 
      I enjoyed the good moments, many of those, when they came, and those got me through. Little victories. A little extra cash, gifts of food, time outs watching cheap matinee movies. When bad moments arose they were only temporary. 

Equanimity!

Jed Adam- Unsplash.com

Everything, good and bad, is only temporary. Nothing lasts. The fleeting nature of experience is what I saw directly in that Food Lion and from then on I knew I could survive anything because everything has a beginning and an end. Bad times may last for a short while or they may annoyingly linger but eventually they will pass, as will any good times, change being the only constant in life. 

When you get some years under your belt, you'll have plenty of memories. The way you experience life is relative to age. To a five year old kid, life is measured in moments because A. A five year old's attention span is nanoseconds long and B. There isn't a lot of memory built up. 
     As that child ages, memories will accrue and time can start to weigh heavy on the mind. Heavier and heavier the weight of experience gets, so much so that by the time old age occurs there are enough memories to fixate an adult's attention span for days on end. Doesn't need to be that way, doesn't need to be that way at all. 

As the Buddhists say "No mind, no problem!" Thoughts and thinking create states of being and many of those states don't need to be experienced (or re-experienced). It's your choice. Stay responsible like an adult, by all means, while keeping the lightness of being a five year old enjoys.

Be aware that whatever you are experiencing is only a brief moment in the endless river of time. Nothing can be seen as being overly important when viewed in that way.