Somewhere inside lies the salon d’elegance
David Svihovec- Unsplash.com
Security Adjunct Cedrick Floom addressed He That Shall Not Be Named.
"Sir?"
An aide quickly jumped up and whispered in Cedrick's ear something about using the correct protocol, to which Cedrick nodded.
"Sire?”
"Yes?" Replied He That Shall Not Be Named
"Faux News has alerted us to the presence of numerous Socialist camps within our borders!"
"Damn! As if we didn't have enough trouble with the Immigrant Caravan! Where is that disgrace, anyway?"
"At present, just south of Guajalhara, a day's walk from the border checkpoint at Brownsville, Texas"
"Keep 'em there until just before the election. Now, about these Socialists. Who are they led by, what are there intentions, and how in the hell do we either A. Get rid of them or B. Turn them into election worthy newsbites?"
"There is no per se 'leader' of the Socialists, Sire. But there are those that the Socialists look up to, and at the top of that list is a man named Dwendel Apfulshuk"
"What do we know about him?"
"Well, Sire, in Socialist circles he's kind of like their hero, their legend. Living"
"Can we make him not living?"
"Is that a joke, Sire?"
"Of course it's a joke! Tell me more about Apfulshuk, his beliefs, and all that. Hurry though- I've got a 1:15 tee time"
"Mr. Apfulshuk refuses to adopt a mortgage, and urges his followers to do the same. He eschews traditional American home ownership in favor of a nomadic existence. He is at present camped on the outskirts of Fairville, Kentucky, and is surrounded there by many of his fervent followers. They appear to be the kind of people we should be very careful in handling. Most of them are white, and approaching retirement, but are not quite there yet"
"Voters!"
"Precisely, Sire."
"Christian?"
"Many are, some aren't. We have tried to plant agents in their camp to subvert and convert. It's just not taking. They seem to be very fired up by Aphulshuk's views"
"They won't buy into the system? Real estate is my system! It's been very good to me. So many of my crony pals depend on their income properties, and the tax breaks those generate. Can the military be called in?"
"To forceably move Apfulshuk and his followers? Super bad P.R., Sire. They are totally law abiding"
"Isn't there a law somewhere about taking on a mortgage?"
"No, Sire. Mortgages are not yet a requirement"
"Then let's get my people in the Senate to work on changing that. Meanwhile, isn't there something we can do? Hate to see the Democrats latch onto a rallying point. Can we starve them out?"
"No chance, Sire. They're living comfortably on Little Caesars $5 pizzas, 2 for $5 Burger King Whoppers, and $1.49 Costco hot dogs. Benefactors bring them food from these purveyors, and many others, from time to time"
"Hate to piss off Costco.... ....hmm... ...Okay, I've thought about it for a minute, time to Tweet something...."
"Perhaps you should wait, Sire"
"I never wait. Give me my phone!"
It was right at the moment that Apfulshuk was adressing a crowd of ne'r do wells in the middle of the Fairville County campground.
"You, you band of beautiful ruffians and modern day Artful Dodgers! This is your time! Time to bust the system that has failed you! Decades of inaction by the States and Congress has created the unaffordable housing crisis that plagues our nation this day. Investors and home flippers have only aggravated this problem by taking the available supply of homes totally out of the reach of the working class. We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore. We don't need to march on City Hall though- City Hall needs to march to us! They need us to buy houses, assume mortgages, pay our property taxes, and support their corrupt system. No more, say I! I would rather live in my RV! Are you with me?!"
"Where shall we settle? cried a far thinker in the crowd.
"We shall summon our bretheren across the country and journey with them en masse to Mexico! Across the border of oppression we'll flee where we can live in a less expensive clime and once there, realize the fruits of our pensions and savings! No more shall we simply exist!"
And so it was that now two caravans, great in number, approached the border.
One wanting in, the other wanting out.