#@$!+!# Socialists!

Somewhere inside lies the salon d’elegance

David Svihovec- Unsplash.com

  Security Adjunct Cedrick Floom addressed He That Shall Not Be Named.
       "Sir?"
      An aide quickly jumped up and whispered in Cedrick's ear something about using the correct protocol, to which Cedrick nodded.
"Sire?”
"Yes?" Replied He That Shall Not Be Named
      "Faux News has alerted us to the presence of numerous Socialist camps within our borders!"
"Damn! As if we didn't have enough trouble with the Immigrant Caravan! Where is that disgrace, anyway?"
      "At present, just south of Guajalhara, a day's walk from the border checkpoint at Brownsville, Texas"
      "Keep 'em there until just before the election. Now, about these Socialists. Who are they led by, what are there intentions, and how in the hell do we either A. Get rid of them or B. Turn them into election worthy newsbites?"
"There is no per se 'leader' of the Socialists, Sire. But there are those that the Socialists look up to, and at the top of that list is a man named Dwendel Apfulshuk" 
"What do we know about him?"
"Well, Sire, in Socialist circles he's kind of like their hero, their legend. Living"
     "Can we make him not living?"
     "Is that a joke, Sire?"
"Of course it's a joke! Tell me more about Apfulshuk, his beliefs, and all that. Hurry though- I've got a 1:15 tee time"
"Mr. Apfulshuk refuses to adopt a mortgage, and urges his followers to do the same. He eschews traditional American home ownership in favor of a nomadic existence. He is at present camped on the outskirts of Fairville, Kentucky, and is surrounded there by many of his fervent followers. They appear to be the kind of people we should be very careful in handling. Most of them are white, and approaching retirement, but are not quite there yet"
      "Voters!"
"Precisely, Sire."
"Christian?"
     "Many are, some aren't. We have tried to plant agents in their camp to subvert and convert. It's just not taking. They seem to be very fired up by Aphulshuk's views"
      "They won't buy into the system? Real estate is my system! It's been very good to me. So many of my crony pals depend on their income properties, and the tax breaks those generate. Can the military be called in?"
      "To forceably move Apfulshuk and his followers? Super bad P.R., Sire. They are totally law abiding"
      "Isn't there a law somewhere about taking on a mortgage?"
"No, Sire. Mortgages are not yet a requirement"
      "Then let's get my people in the Senate to work on changing that. Meanwhile, isn't there something we can do? Hate to see the Democrats latch onto a rallying point. Can we starve them out?"
"No chance, Sire. They're living comfortably on Little Caesars $5 pizzas, 2 for $5 Burger King Whoppers, and $1.49 Costco hot dogs. Benefactors bring them food from these purveyors, and many others, from time to time"
     "Hate to piss off Costco.... ....hmm...  ...Okay, I've thought about it for a minute, time to Tweet something...."
     "Perhaps you should wait, Sire" 
     "I never wait. Give me my phone!"

     It was right at the moment that Apfulshuk was adressing a crowd of ne'r do wells in the middle of the Fairville County campground. 
     "You, you band of beautiful ruffians and modern day Artful Dodgers! This is your time! Time to bust the system that has failed you! Decades of inaction by the States and Congress has created the unaffordable housing crisis that plagues our nation this day. Investors and home flippers have only aggravated this problem by taking the available supply of homes totally out of the reach of the working class. We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore. We don't need to march on City Hall though- City Hall needs to march to us! They need us to buy houses, assume mortgages, pay our property taxes, and support their corrupt system. No more, say I! I would rather live in my RV! Are you with me?!"
    "Where shall we settle? cried a far thinker in the crowd.
"We shall summon our bretheren across the country and journey with them en masse to Mexico! Across the border of oppression we'll flee where we can live in a less expensive clime and once there, realize the fruits of our pensions and savings! No more shall we simply exist!"

     And so it was that now two caravans, great in number, approached the border.

     One wanting in, the other wanting out.

The Great Immigrant Caravan

They came from all over, looking for a place with manicured neighborhoods, nice cribs that would handsomely shelter them from the elements, jobs that would give them spending money far above just necessities, and uber-security from rank criminal elements. Their goal was to reach Fat City.
     By boat they came, by land, and by air. Catching sight of the Statue of Mr. Moneybags in the harbor they felt like they were almost there and then those in the halls of power closed the door. "Not In Our Backyard" said they.
"Where shall we go?" said the leader of the caravan, for they had by then assembled and elected a leader to represent them. 
      "Back to wherever you came from" said those representing Fat City.
"But...."
"No buts. Go"
     And so they went, back to where they came from. They blended back into the countries that they had tried to emigrate from, and things were all good and well for the people in Fat City, for they were safe. No gang thugs, anchor babies, stealing of jobs, contrarian political views, clamoring for unearned benefits, or being burdens on the existing system in any way.
        Life went on. 
        And then one day, not long afterward, the people in Fat City started noticing a decline in vitality. Necessary services weren't being provided in a timely manner. Even though those service jobs were heavily advertised almost nobody in Fat City wanted them. Of any actual candidates to fill those positions there were very few, and then to further the malaise, Fat City and other cities needing people to man their many and varied open positions got into bidding wars with each other, and the bidding was intense. Yet still the shortage of available labor was great. A.I. was supposed to have prevented this but A.I. could only fill so many slots, and it was expensive. What to do, what to do?

“I’m not seeing a welcome sign. You said there’d be a welcome sign”

Scott Dukette- Unsplash.com

     Perhaps the door should be opened somewhat, said some, the door to immigration again, but those few brave ones risked censure for uttering such heresy. Their reputations could be attacked, now that they had spoken. 
     "No" said the ones in positions of opening the door. "We cannot. Our standard of living is threatened by any change in the social order (and balance of power) that we have established. We would rather struggle with the labor shortfall than allow residency. Our solution is we will offer temporary residency. For a time, they can live here, then they must leave"
         "Who wants that?" said the concerned. 
          "They that want to live here do. We will offer them jobs that don't pay very well, but.... ...compared to the wages in their home countries, they will feel like kings. We will rotate them in, then rotate them out. Don't worry- they'll be 'rich' when they get sent back, they’ll take their savings with them. While they're here they will live in zones that we will establish, contract labor zones, though they won’t be mentioned as such"
          "Sounds totally impractical and frightfully expensive. Are you talking labor camps? Who would ever want to live in a place like that?"
         "Our way or the highway"
         "I think they'd rather keep going on their caravan. They don't want temporary anything".

And that's the crux of it, isn't it? Whether it be neighborhoods as welcoming as labor camps, or tent cities, or homeless shelters, or 'outpatient mental health treatment', dealing with the problem of human affairs in a half-assed manner only keeps people on the road (or living next to it).
      As to the mobile ones, on the road they will be, heading for whichever country will take them in, until they can get to a place where they can actually have a decent sort of life. No place like Fat City or any other wants to deal with the problem, but people keep being born and the problem only gets bigger. The current immigrant caravan story that’s playing out now won't stay on the front page very long but it, and others like it, show no sign of going away.