Whatever it is that I develop is mine, whatever it is that you develop is yours. I am a selfish person in this regard, no? Yes! I like proprietary stuff. My ego loves it. It keeps my identity strong, intact, and proud. I define myself by the difference between me and you.
I don't do this with ill intent, I do it playfully. It is my expression, my joy at being physical. I want to paint the canvas MY way, not yours, but if I feel so inclined I might settle for a collaboration. Depends. That which defines me might be heightened by doing so!
If the borders between me and you didn't exist there would just be an 'us', wouldn't there? I don't know. My fear is that I will be absorbed, become part of some soup, some amorphous blob, and be lost, like a drop of water is lost when it falls into a river, or a grain of sand on a beach. Where am I NOW?
Chandler Chen- Unsplash.com
But maybe it's not like that. Maybe I will retain awareness of me while being part of everything else, which is kind of what is happening now, when I'm out in the world. There is a lot of something else outside of me and I interact with it just fine. But what if the line between 'me' and 'other' starts to fade or even disappears altogether? How can one then retain awareness of self, and what is 'self' anyway, but an idea? Physical boundaries define me at present but what if that changes and my awareness expands beyond those boundaries? What then?
A lot of the books I have read have pointed to that as an eventuality. They say that that is where peace lies. HOME is there.
Gaelle Marcel- Unsplash.com
Well, if it is going to be home, I hope that 'I' am still 'me'.
I don't know, or can't conceive, of any other way!