I was riding in Air Force Three Thousand Six Hundred and Eighty Two awhile back, and looking out over this great land of which I am a part. A very tiny part. Somewhere down below other little ones were living out their lives, residents, mainly, holding varying degrees of influence, and I wondered "How can there be such a one that is in charge of all this?" for I couldn't even imagine myself at the helm of so vast a territory, pushing things this way and that, making adjustments here and there, some small, some very large.
Upon the ground at destination in a large metropolis I was again awestruck at the complexity of things around me and I guess that's why I'm just a resident and not the president.
Seems to me that I'm damn near overwhelmed with the day to day tasks that make up my life and lucky enough to play a round of golf once in a while, or take an actual vacation, but the president is saddled with the job of 'running the country' on a daily basis! To him there is no such thing as a weekend.
But, somebody has to do it and he stepped up to do the job, though in the hiring process there might have been a little monkey business. But then again when DOESN'T that happen? Surely there were other qualified candidates, guys just like me, that weren't even on the ballot because they wanted weekends off or were assumed to be dq'ed (disqualified) because they hadn't been tested in the political arena but then, in the latter case, our present chief resident wasn't either.
Baaa....
Rich Lock- Unsplash.com
Were I to be in his shoes there's no telling what kind of commands I would issue, because I'm changeable and so is he. One day to the next I don't think I could hold consistent policy positions on some issues because things change but- sigh- I guess you don't know until you get the reigns of power in your hands what you're REALLY doing to do, though there are indications, 'tells', and proclivities, based on your past actions.
My background is pretty clean, there's nothing really of interest there. I have zero experience holding political office and the press would be severely challenged, even bored, in attempting to find an issue with which either to elevate or smear me but, as with any resident, I theoretically COULD ascend to the throne. Unlikely though that is, it has happened to a non-career politician, like uh- yesterday.
Around me I don't know who I'd pick to run the many departments under me, I wouldn't have a clue. Is this candidate good? What about that guy? Vetting the candidates- who's got time for that AND SportsCenter?
But once that's done, the day to day ops of 'running the country' don't seem to be THAT hard. There seems to be plenty of time for parties, dinners, and other diversions, and if I flew in Air Force One to some distant country and had a bunch of meetings scheduled I think I could do them easily because for me, if my food is prepared, my laundry is done, and the dishes are whisked away, life after that is just like being on a cruise ship! There's plenty of time, that I know.
Because, as an ordinary resident, I've developed and highly honed my time management skills. I am a multitasking efficiency expert. Presidents, comparatively, have all the time in the world. Oh, there might be contentious issues to make decisions on, but once you've made the call, I've observed that you can change it!
Never wrong. I like that.
Then, far as rallying the base goes, that task would be easy. My fans would be the only ones in the room. It would be like preachin' to the choir. What I said would also be broadcast on my fan's TV channel(s), and the people there might fuss and argue about exactly what it was that I said, but I wouldn't care. Let them figure it out!
The thing I don't like about being residential is that I have to do physical work but if I were presidential, I would never have to lift a finger. There, it's all mental work. My speeches would be written for me, though. Not too much mental work.
But rest assured, citizens, I would always be hard at work in Deep Thought about you and your situation, whatever that may be, because that's my job. One guy should be able to do it, at least that was the thinking by our wise forefathers back in 1776. But on the other hand, if you were to give things a go by trying to get things done by committee, like Congress is supposed to be able to do, man, reaching a consensus there could take forever. So it's good that there is only one resident acting as president.
And if THIS resident was president, what a day to day existence my life would be! Everybody, everywhere I went, standing at attention, giving me attention, some giving crisp salutes, never having to drive my own car, planes and choppers always at the ready, ordering whatever I wanted off the menu, the lawn forever freshly mowed....
...the downside though, would be that I wouldn't have any privacy and couldn't just leave the house and walk down to Joe's Tavern where I could eat some nachos at the bar, have a coupla beers, and play some pool.
But, my gig would only last for four years, at the most eight, and then bingo set for life I'd be. However, after I left my manse, my elation might give way to depression for awhile, because taking on any other job after holding the ultimate one would bring on a host of decompression issues.
Hey- who's number two? Ah- caught you! Blanked for a sec, right? Nobody cares about number two! If you ain't the president you're just a resident, taking up space, showing up at events that Number One passes off 'cuz he can't be bothered. You're the 'just in case' guy, and you might get your shot, but that doesn't happen very often.
Oh, I could go on and on with this, and I guess I have. Such a rich subject! Residents pay taxes so the president can take care of things, which is like you're paying part of the fare for his cruise, but it's only a small part, a miniscule fraction. Out of 300 plus million residents only one gets to live presidential. Damn, that's gotta be something, wearing the Number 1 jersey....
I'll tell you what- this is the kind of stuff I think about whevever I get on a plane. I just stare out the window at that seething mass of humanity streaming by below and those visuals bring it home to me how puny residential I am, because I can't see that kind of view from my tree-lined neighborhood, all cloistered on the ground, my mind's capacity taken up by trivial concerns. Presidential, though, is like being on the bridge of the Enterprise or inside the Com Room at the CIA.
"Mr. President! Now Changeable has just surfaced on the grid!"
"Hover DroneSat 12 over his location!"
"Position acquired!"
"Onscreen!"
"Processing data through analytics!"
"Threat value? Any? Why the delay? I need a response....."
"Infinitesimal, SIR! No Twitter countermeasures required!"
(Yikes! Go play a round of golf or something, willya?)