Lately, and probably long term, what seems to be happening is I am rediscovering myself. Now what does that mean?
It means that those things that I pushed aside earlier are once again surfacing as possibilities. I can sense their presence, waiting in the wings, wanting to come on stage. What are these things?
They are all that was pushed aside as being impossible or unfeasible when I was X number of years old, many of them I don't even remember probably. So why now?
I don't have an answer to that.
Adam Bixby- Unsplash.com
I can tell these things are there, wanting expression, because they are persistent thoughts in the back of my mind, and persistent thoughts seem to come from areas of the psyche that I would name 'growth', 'soul's expression', or maybe even 'purpose'. These thoughts are not to be confused with fantasies because they have not the same quality of energy and well, energy...... ....let's talk about that. ENERGY has as many descriptive qualites as 'smell' has, or taste, sound, sight, and touch. When I say that certain thoughts have 'energies' around them, this is what I'm referring to. Energies can be dark or bright, heavy or light, they can have texture... ...er... ...maybe 'atmosphere' would be an even better word for energy, for atmosphere denotes something that is encompassing. "He walked into the room and the atmosphere (the energy) of ________ was present".
This sounds complex but it isn't, it's just a different way of navigating.
So, back to passion, and those energies waiting in the wings. THAT is what I'm referring to there. Those idled ENERGIES want to find expression, through me, as me, with me, whatever way you want to put it, and I also sense that these energies are benign because they have that quality exuding from them. Were they to be in any way negative (which they aren't) I would be able to pick that up a mile away.
How many of these energies there are, I don't know. There is a que, that's all I sense. Maybe they are nascent Thoughts Of The Day, but I think not. They're more than that. Unrealized dreams, could be. Everybody has those! Anyway, I'll see. But I'm not sure if, or when. Things happen when it's right timing for me, so it's a timing thing too. Anyway, a lot of this stuff is probably going to be personal but I'm sure some of it will spill over into these continuing pages. Best way I can describe it at present.
Life is a deepening, and yet paradoxically, revelatory mystery.