“Welcome to the neighborhood. I'm your Welcome Wagon host. Let's take a tour, shall we?
Over there is the church I'd recommend for you. St. Bonaventures. Friendly folk, good people. You could volunteer at their church picnic, which is coming up soon.
As we enter the town proper, be sure to watch for bicyclists and tourists on foot trying to decide which direction to go at this four way stop. They're liable to dart out in front of you arbitrarily.
Over here on the right is the place to go where you can get stick donuts. Five donuts on a stick! Creampuffs too! Super old school.
Don’t eat at that restaurant over there. I gave it some chances when I was new but after the third bad experience, it struck out. At this one across from it, it's a definite yes for lunch and dinner, but a no for breakfast.
This little nook grocery is where you can source specific items. I'll give you the list later.
Ain't this the greatest post office? Super convenient, hardly ever a line. In and out.
Avoid the main road at two o'clock unless you want to be stuck in a getting-out-of-school traffic jam.
Back there is the recycling center, hit that up every month and drop off your accummulation. You can get money for your aluminum cans and plastic water bottles but I always just give that to the people that work there.
“S’cusa- where can I find the stick donuts?”
Severin- Unsplash.com
This road here is tailgate road. Locals will come up behind you fast and expect you to speed up to ridiculous levels. Pull over if you can and let 'em by. They won't thank you but you'll be glad you did it.
There are two main grocery stores. One is straight ahead, the other is up the hill.
Moving further out, I can give you the exact timing of every traffic light we'll encounter, and the traffic flow for every hour of the day and day of the week.
In the main town, the shopping area, I've mapped out the interior of every store so as to negotiate them the fastest. I know where to park in their huge lots to avoid door dings, homeless wanderers, and bottleneck entering/exiting traffic spots.
In this area we'll also source the majority of our take out food. Call ahead at most places and you'll be in and out.
Stay off this innocuous-looking road at all costs. It's heavy with workin' man traffic, trucks, and the like. Stay on the main road until you get around it.
Parking anywhere around here is easy, but parking in the shade shows a high degree of lokality. I'll show you the best spots.
The government stuff is all bunched together, hospital too. If you have to go there, you're on your own. Can't help you much. Parking is opportunistic so if you have to go there, look for a spot, any spot.
Sit down restaurants are few in this main area. I'll give you their coordinates.
Moving further out still, we take the connector road to the other side. Motorcycle cops stake out certain straightaways. You probably won't see them but traffic will slow long before.
On the west side, it's gonna be hot and sunny, relentlessly so. Could be windy too. Just the way it is.
Over here, traffic is heavy and slow. Dealing with it rewards you eventually with your objective, the beach. Got a few restaurants to show you as we cruise along the strip.
Nightlife? No familiarity with that. I'm outta here long before.
Best beaches come with best spots to hang out. I'll show you my favs.
Gotta stop at the brewery every other time you're here. It's like the law or something.
Ok you've seen it! That's the introductory tour. You'll hone your lokal knowledge further as time passes. Accept this gift basket of lilikoi, avocados, and mangos- and how about a stalk of bananas too?- compliments of the association”.