The things you can learn on You Tube....

     ....are a lot so, having an Enquiring Mind, and a rapid fire mouse hand, I can get through a lot of subject matter in a short period of time. Men are like that, this phenomenon has been long documented and exhaustively researched through various studies of men in the possession of TV remote controls. We just can't stick to one show (or on one page) for very long.

In all my skipping around on You Tube, I have exhibited a pattern, duly recognized by data trackers, I'm sure, of lingering overly long on comedy. I like comedy, but not too much of it (because there might be something else to watch, of course). But comedy is compelling. How do the masters do it?

This is a course of study worthy of the intent focus of a college level P.H.D. candidate for if you can figure out how to do stand up comedy, forget about writing any damn thesis. You can hit the road and the clubs across the land and live probably the coolest life, one equal to that of a rock star or sports hero. But your life is an even cooler one 'cuz you can run solo and not have to wrestle with difficult bandmates or deal with the press and have to give answers as to why you and your teammates were so sloppy on defense during that last matchup with your hated rivals- who you are sure to meet in the playoffs.

'Studying' stand up from the sofa then, or whilst in the hot tub, I have tried to make associations with the comics and what they do that leads to success and have come across some things that might lead to positive correlations towards same. But first, let's eliminate some common misperceptions that might be held towards the concept of 'being funny'. While these qualities, which I will duly list, can add some predisposition towards audiences' perception of you being funny, methinks they are overrated. First, the personalities and looks of comics are all over the place so I can't say those are big deciding factors. Second, whether the comic be male or female doesn't seem to matter much, except to the intimate degree of familiarity that each has with certain gender specific subject matters. Third, age doesn't seem to matter too much, though being young and hip seems to be more highly weighted, this only due to the fact that their audience is more likely to actually come out to the clubs whereas people of a certain age might not desire to leave their cribs. 

What does seem to matter in doing stand up are the following:

The setting up of jokes, then delivering them rapidly. Never making a misstep- fumbling over words, forgetting, or pausing- 'cuz if you do that you're dead. Speaking loudly and clearly. Positive 'up' attitudes, or relaxed and comfortable ones. (Nervous and neurotic can be okay too- so long as you deliver). Practiced physical comedy skills. The physical comedy you perform, as well as your ability to accurately portray the verbal and physical characterizations of other people and their reactions to events, can be killer. Ability to ad lib with audience members is another serious audience favorite and applause amplifier, as well as is adeptness in handling hecklers.

Simple observations about ordinary daily events seem to make up a lot of comedic routines so hey anybody can do it, right? We all have these funny, weird things happen to us, or we see and read about them happening to others. We amateurs constantly and breathlessly relate quirky family stories, work happenings, or news items to each other every day hoping for a laugh and we get them a lot of times but to take our jokes up on stage? That thought freezes us. Telling those same jokes to strangers is an incredibly daunting thing, we think.

  And the evidence supports that notion for stand up comedy is said to be one of the hardest things for a person to do. So why do the pros make it look so easy and natural, like they are telling jokes to their buddies, only instead of three people being their buddies it's three hundred?

It's said in the business that when you start out you get three minutes. You're introduced, get up on stage, fire off your jokes, then take a bow and get out of there, hopefully to trailing laughter and not raining tomatoes. The next level is five whole minutes. After that, ten. 

Assuming you've survived that, haven’t run for the hills, and desire to continue, you having endured the absolutely essential initial trials by fire every comic must face, you just keep building your routine and working the clubs until you eventually land yourself a Netflix special where you can knock out an hour's worth of material and make it seem like nothing. By then you've honed all of your jokes and have a set list in your mind. Delivering your jokes you know when to drop the punch lines, wait out the laughter that comes after each one, then you hit 'em again. Bam, bam, bam. Like a joke machine. 

That's what audiences want. A joke every ten to fifteen seconds. No long setups, unless you're near the end of the show where you're going to hit them with your best joke. The audience is in your corner by then, anticipating, and will weather any long introductions for the big payoff they know is coming.

Quite skillful, these comedians are. Under You Tube's tutelage, I have been applying this (I think) absolutely necessary like hack but, bruthah, I’ve got a long ways to go. My physical comedy skills need work and I know that 'cuz my audience only sometimes laughs, or they turn the attention back on them towards a completely different subject, which is painful, but that's the price wannabe comics pay. You get hit with a lot of rejection. But there have been those moments where I have experienced acceptance. Whatta feelin' that is, lemme tell ya!

Nothing's better than having an audience on their heels, laughing at a succession of your jokes, which is a feat I have many times accomplished but damn if I didn't stumble at some point and lose it, any further offerings screeching to a stop like a train wreck. 

I get spacey, you know (I’m a writer!) but that is an excuse unforgivable in stand up. You gotta be firing on all cylinders, pacing the stage, setting up and delivering constantly or you'll get feedback of the unwanted kind. You'll get dead air or even worse, heckled. Comics will tell you there's nothing worse. 

Fortunately, though, bummer ‘flop nights’ happen early on in comics' careers and most of the ones that do stand up specials film them in 'friendly crowd' settings, not in venues where they're unknown and the audience is fulla drunks. The people in these audiences clap politely, throw in supportive 'Woo-hoos!" or other validations from time to time, and refrain from disruptive comments because they don't want to break the momentum of the comic or keep themselves (or the audience) from being entertained, which is a very good energy to be in.

So. Stand Up comedy, huh? Don't know if it's in the cards for me, or if I'll ever get up on that highly portentous yet frightful stage, but I'll be practicing. Maybe I'll be able, through diligent application, to string together three unbroken minutes. That'll be a start. Then perhaps in my wildest dreams I could keep 'em rolling in the aisles for an hour and wouldn't that be somethin'.....

     …..’cuz you gotta have goals in life!

An’ bein' a Stand Up Guy is one so worthy.